NEWSFLASH! SWINDON CENTRIC RETURNS! MORE EXCLAMATION MARKS FOR NO GOOD REASON OTHER THAN TO GRAB YOUR WEB BROWSING EYES!

Due to circumstances beyond our control, Swindon Centric's main HQ has been unable to publish for the past week owing to a black hole being discovered in the stationary cupboard. Fortunately the black hole only swallowed a half a dozen bottles of tip-ex, four packets of purple post-in notes and several thousand paper clips. A blonde, 24 year old intern was also devoured by the black mass from outer space, though we've been advised to keep that quiet.

'' We came back into work following the New Year break and by mid-day we all agreed we'd heard noises from the room where the stationary cupboard is. Assuming it was just a drunk sub-editor, we left it for several more days until the blonde intern, Cynthia had been missing for 4 hours after announcing she was going to get a new ruler before any of us looked in the door.'' That comment from Jimmy Olsen, formerly of the Daily Planet photo desk.

After this dramatic storyline breaking right on our own doorstep, indeed, within reach of the coffee machine, we can promise we will keep you fully informed, fully misinformed.

Local Victoria Road rumours that a local waste disposal firm was seen throwing household waste and what looked like several former Iraqi ballistic missiles (stamped 'made in UK' on the sides) into our stationary cupboard have remained undenied by our editor-in-a-red-shirt-at-large, in a vein attempt to boost our site traffic.